


Mesmerizing

by HazelSage



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Brief Non-Explicit Slash, But mostly fluff, Canonical Character Death, Introspection, M/M, No Dialogue, Pre-Slash, Some angst, implied depression, implied suicidal thoughts, mentions of Arthur/Gwen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazelSage/pseuds/HazelSage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re mesmerized by him. Always have been really. Even back when you’d first met, when he was an insufferable prat, you could hardly keep your eyes off him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mesmerizing

**Author's Note:**

> Looking at all of the unfinished Merthur stories on my computer, I realized that I almost always write their relationship from someone else's point of view. I seem to love exploring what their devotion would look like to people who don't know, who wouldn't expect what they've gone through. Yet, I was reading some fanfiction today with such lovely descriptions that I wanted to try my hand at describing Merlin and Arthur's relationship from one of their perspectives. Somehow, second person flowed much more easily than anything else. I'm no expert at description, but I'm reasonably pleased with how this turned out beyond the ending (which I always suck at). Hope you all enjoy this!

You’re mesmerized by him. Always have been really. Even back when you’d first met, when he was an insufferable prat, you could hardly keep your eyes off him. It wasn’t that he was attractive; you didn’t really notice that under that nearly unbearable personality of his. He simply shone to you, his destiny written in his every movement.

Perhaps that’s why it wasn’t too hard to believe when Kilgarrah told you that you and he were destined to bring about the Golden Age of Camelot. Yes, you argued and fought it, but you were looking for a purpose for your magic, for a purpose in life, and there he was, just waiting for you. And you may have had a rough start, but spending time with him only proved your fate. You were destined to be at his side.

He had a big heart under all that bluster and arrogance. You feel honored to know that you were the one to bring it out in him. He is your creation, your Arthur, born in all those little moments when he proved to you he was so much more than the mask he presented to the world. He was never the prince to you, until he earned it. And oh, did he earn it. 

Stopping a drunken knight from taken advantage of a servant.

Standing up to his father to protect a wrongfully accused peasant.

Refusing to take more taxes from an already poor population.

Rescuing your village from destruction even though it wasn’t in Camelot’s borders.

Secretly passing a few coins and food to the most destitute of Camelot’s population.

Going on quests to slay dangerous creatures because his citizens did not deserve to suffer their attacks.

Going on a dangerous quest to get a flower to save your life because you’d saved his first.

Trusting your word over that of a knight because he _knew_ you and didn’t care about rank in that way.  


Placing you at his right hand at a table of knights, the physician, and his future queen because you were important to him and he values loyalty above all else.  


Allowing you to call him out on questionable decisions, because he knows you only want to keep him safe.  


Allowing you to insult him constantly, because he knows that when he deserves it, you will call him by his proper title.  


Becoming your friend, despite the obstacle of your ranks.  


Yes, there were few who had a heart like Arthur’s when he allowed it to shine through. It is why you loved the years when he was king. There may have been your failure with regards to _her_ and there were betrayals at every corner and somehow every attempt to make him trust magic ended up with him hating it even more, but it didn’t matter. Nothing about you mattered when he was finally able to be the man he was supposed to be. You may not have liked his magic stance, but you were confident that one day it would change. He was a wonderful king – fair, just, and strong. He was always in the thick of everything, giving you a heart attack, but giving his people confidence and a sense of pride in their king. You felt that sense of pride too. Despite his faults, you were always so, so proud of him. He’d come so far from the ass of a man you’d met that day in the square.  


Is it any wonder you grew to love him?  


It would have been hard not to, with all of the time you spent with him. His physical attributes were distracting, of course. His deep blue eyes would pin you in place whenever you looked at him too long. You found yourself glancing at his plump lips too frequently. You were constantly distracted by his cheekbones, his jaw line, his neck, his collarbone. All lovely places for you mark that perfect golden skin. And the rest of him? Well… You were his manservant – you saw everything, frequently. His body was divine, rippling muscles under tan skin. Scars were not an uncommon sight, but to you they were signs of his devotion to Camelot, to his destiny. How could they be anything but beautiful to you when gotten in such a noble pursuit?  


But his physical attributes, while enticing, were hardly the reason for your attraction. You loved him for the quiet talks in the evenings when he ceased being the king and started being just Arthur. For the fond smiles he gifted you with when he was pleased and relaxed. For the jokes and endearing insults you shared over the years. For the way he tended to grab your shoulder, your wrist, your waist when he wanted you to follow or move, and his hand would just happen to linger. For the uniquely affectionate way he had of saying your name. For his big heart and his love for and loyalty to all his people. For his caring nature and his dedication to making Camelot the best place it could be. For his trust in you. For the way you could have practically have a conversation with him just by looking at each other. For the little smirk he gave you when he knew he was being an ass but he could get away with it. For everything inside him that made him _Arthur_.  


You never hated Gwen for being able to have his love. She was your friend and she did love him, as he did love her. All you wanted was to see him happy, and Gwen did that. So long as you could be at his side, it did not matter. There may have been a few moments of jealousy that you could not be in her place, but they never lasted long. You knew he loved you anyways.  


It wasn’t a love that needed to be physically expressed. You knew you loved Arthur as you would never love anyone else and you knew he returned the sentiment. But it was not your fate to have that in that lifetime. It didn’t matter. He was still yours.  


When he died, you went mad. To lose him when he finally knew you, finally accepted you as you were. To lose him after showing him every bit of devotion you had within you. To lose him when you became closer than you’d ever been, demonstrating the love that had been between you all this time. It nearly broke you.  


You never returned to Camelot permanently. It wasn’t home when Arthur wasn’t there and you knew that you could never return to the place where you had spent ten years in his constant presence. The stones remembered him and you were sure that you would feel them mourning their king’s loss at every moment.  


You could not leave the queen completely on her own, especially as the laws against magic were being repealed. It was hard to remember that it was your destiny now that Arthur was gone. It had been many years ago when your priorities switched from bringing magic back to the kingdom to making Arthur into the king he could be. It was nearly impossible to remember that your destiny hadn’t died with your king.  


You tried to master a spell to allow you to travel to Camelot much more quickly than normal. Until then, all of his contact with Camelot came from birds carrying letters, or the rare visits from the queen or the knights or Gaius. When you mastered the spell, you were able to attend council sessions and have a voice in Camelot. It was all you had wanted, but it was forever tainted by the lack of your love at the round table, where he should have been. You always made sure to return to the lake very quickly after the meetings, never lingering in that throne room that always felt empty, no matter how many people were in there with you.  


You stayed by the lake for years because you had no idea what else to do. You got better at traveling and went to exotic places to learn, but you always returned to the lake. It was as close to home as you’d ever get, especially as the magic began to die out and Avalon became its last stronghold. You learned much on your daily expeditions, dallying with the most educated minds of each time. But they were never friends. You learned early on that it was easier to be alone than to watch your friends always dying when you could never follow. That way, you were less tempted to desperately plunge yourself into the lake. Again.  


Whenever there was a major conflict, you were sure he’d be back. You’d spend even more time at the lake, speaking to Arthur about what was going on, unsure that he could hear you and unable to bear the thought he couldn’t. He never came back though. You never could learn to hide your bitter regret whenever victory was declared. You’d been around long enough to know that war never truly ended, and the only good thing you could get out of it was your love.  


When he finally did return, it wasn’t when you expected. You had always expected him to return when a soldier, a warrior, was needed. However, it seemed that Arthur was being brought back to be a political leader. The prospect was daunting – you were quite used to fighting and healing with your magic and you wondered what you could do now – but you never doubted that you’d stay by his side.  


You clutched at him tightly as he rose from the lake and were relieved to find him holding you back just as tightly. You were struck by his smile once more and fell in love all over again.  


So now you’re here, watching him marvel at your flat. He’s still mesmerizing, even though you laugh when he yells at the telly, jumps at the electric lights and plumbing, and refuses to go anywhere near a computer or telephone. His hair still glows golden when struck by the sunlight. You can still get lost in his cerulean eyes. He still has that little smirk when he’s being even more of a prat than usual, and he still reserves that fond smile just for you. He still affectionately calls you idiot and tells you to shut up, then laughs when you fire back some appropriate insult. He still prances about shirtless, distracting you with his delicious-looking neck and all the other places you’d like to explore. He still looks at you like you’re the most important thing in his world.  


And you realize nothing has changed. You are still Merlin and he is still Arthur, and you are still two sides of the same coin. It doesn’t matter that he now dons hoodies instead of armor and wields the full force of his charisma rather than a sword. It doesn’t matter that magic has faded into myth and legend much like you and Camelot have. You still have a destiny and it will always have Arthur in it.  


And yet… There is one thing you’re lacking. It could change the way things are forever, and you’ve been content without it, but you are confident in Arthur’s love and your own and you have been waiting for him for so long. Watching him now, you smile and stop him during his impassioned rant against the accursed Internet. He looks surprised as you get up into his personal space, even more than usual, and cup his jaw with your hands.  


There is no hesitance as you lean down slightly to capture his lips with your own. His lips are as soft as you imagined in those rare moments when you let yourself indulge, and they slot perfectly with yours. He hardly waits before opening his mouth to you and you waste no time in exploring.  


When you pull away, you become aware of his hands resting on your waist and the way you are both breathing faster than normal. You are lost in his eyes again when he gives you one of his unguarded smiles. Helplessly, you return it.  


There are no words, but you’ve never needed them. You can see the love in every line of his body as you once saw his destiny and you’re sure he can see it in you too.  


He pulls you in for another kiss and you smile against his lips, knowing that he’s just found another way to captivate you and that’s simply not fair with all the advantages he already has.  


But that’s okay.

You know you mesmerize him too.


End file.
